It is 3:00AM and I cannot sleep. I lay here with my eyes wide open questioning, did what happen really just happen? For 16 months now, life has been one surreal moment after another, and with every twist and turn of this painful road, I’ve had to ask myself, “Did this really happen?”
When you walk through a dark journey you begin to get used to the worsening of events and there is this ongoing expectation of the next shoe falling. There is a sick anticipation of what is around the next corner and as you walk in trepidation, it leaves a dark cloud of hopelessness.
Along the way, through doubt, discouragement and pain I’ve managed a bended knee posture. It hasn’t been easy but It’s all I can really do to navigate the blurry path of uncertainty. Day-in and day-out I’ve fervently cried out with the belief of His grace and mercy but greater need for my unbelief, because in my view and my understanding, there is just no way the desires of my heart could ever be met. And then, one normal and unexpected Sunday afternoon, the heavens part, and the stage is set for those long and agonizing months of prayer to be answered.
Yesterday, a little bit of healing and a whole lot of hope showed up on my doorstep. I still have to convince myself this happened. I’m not quite sure why there was so much shock because I have been praying for so long. I shouldn’t have been surprised because upon the very first cry, Jesus sent a heavenly host of angels to go to work on our behalf, I just couldn’t see it and when you can’t see the work of the Father, you convince yourself He’s inactive in your circumstances. And just like that, He proves you wrong.
As I replay the events of yesterday, my mind is blown. I’ve envisioned, dreamed and tried to put together my own schemes of building bridges of healing and none of my “perfect” plans materialized. His ways are higher. His ways are mightier. And, His timing is always perfect.
I don’t want to be surprised when answered prayer shows up on my doorstep. I don’t want have to work hard to convince myself that all along, He’s been deeply vested in the messiness of the journey working it out. I should have expected it. I should have been sitting on the edge of my seat with great expectation of the power of God to move. That is is specialty. I should have had more joy along the way, more peace along the path and less heartache in the journey because He has me. He has us. He has this situation.
A great wall was knocked down. And as I begin to maneuver through the rubble, the dust of this still very messy mess, there’s a confidence and great expectation of not “if” Lord, but “when”.
I will never see the spiritual forces battling on my behalf. I will never see the warfare being played out in the lives of those I pray for and love. I will never see the great combative battle taking place for hearts to heal, lives to be restored, and souls to be saved. But it is happening. And the more we pray, the battle intensifies and the scales tip towards our favor.
Every time a cry is made, a prayer is lifted or a heart is turned towards heaven, He, our mighty God stands up from His throne and moves into action. As the days, weeks, months and even years roll by, it may not seem like anything is happening and you may wonder if He is even hearing you. And then one day, He shows up on your doorstep and you realize, He’s been there all along.